All I Need to Know About Political Campaigning I Learned in Middle School

All I Need To Know About Political Campaigning I Learned in Middle School

  1. How you look to everyone else will determine your popularity
  2. Tie your gym shorts drawstrings; everyone will know about it if you’re seen with your pants down.
  3. If in doubt, try a give-away. (True story: In 6th grade I gave 3 friends gum after lunch. A classmate came up, asked for a piece, and asked, “What are you running for? I’ll vote for you”.)
  4. Don’t anger the people in charge of the party.
  5. Popularity polls happen, and they matter- even though they are baseless and have no substance.
  6. When you choose to stand out from the crowd, you’d better be right or performing well.
  7. It’s more impressive to catch the dodgeball that’s speeding at your head than to duck
  8. A brilliant stop to an offense forces the other guy to sit out for at least a minute.
  9. If you can’t meet the pull ups requirement, own it.  Don’t complain that someone unfairly raised the bar or try to fake it with 2 inch chin-ups.
  10.  “Everybody”, “Nobody”, and “Them” overrule facts, experience, or what your parents say.
  11. Real issues can always be overshadowed by ridiculous and irrelevant accusations about non-issues.
  12. No one wants to be next to the stinky kid.
  13. Every now and then you’d have to clean up after yourself, but most the time you can wait for someone else to clean up the mess.
  14. No matter how cool you are, someone else is going to be driving you.
  15. People will call you ignorant, arrogant and the hope of the future in the same day.
  16. You can spend the rest of your life blaming everything on all the trauma you endured during these years.
  17. Just because people yell, “RUN!”, you don’t have to do it. You may get trampled unnecessarily.
  18. Life’s most successful and dearly loved people not only thanked the custodian and lunch lady but learned their names.
  19. Actions can speak louder than words, but words are easier to shout.
  20. The time in your life you most want to select who sees what, everyone watches and takes pictures.
  21. A genuine apology is a valuable life-skill. Eye rolls, snickers, and blame are dead give-aways that you don’t mean it.
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