As a theologian once sang, “We’ve got to pray. We’ve got to pray just to make it today.”
Whether it’s traffic, teething, or a board meeting, we could all use a little help. So could the teens out there that think the neon spandex and ripped shirts look good. I think the teen brain interprets neon wrong. I had a similar problem in the 90s. At least the saggers of our day could do it while their pants were hiked up to their Michael Jackson band jackets. Pants measured a 33 waist, a 54 hip, connected at the knee, and had tapered ankles. Rap Artist of the Year could be wearing a jacket used on The Three Amigos and Steve Urkle’s glasses and still be totally rad. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.
6 months ago my younger brother sent me a piece of sheer genius. Pictured above, it is “MC Hammer Babyproofing”. As a result, about 90% of the time I fasten a baby lock I end up yelling, “Can’t touch this! Ooooh!” while throwing up arms upward and busting into a sea-walk. Sad, I know. Madonna and her orange road cones were fashion icons during my formative years. I still bear scars from the 90s.
I soon got caught into a vortex of MC Hammer. I realized that my busted mom-moves could create a music video montage that would fit most of MC’s hits. Everyone who’s experienced a blown-out diaper or an impromptu vomit-launch knows the feeling of grabbing the child under the armpits and running wide-legged to the sink or bathroom, avoiding the drips. Tell me that isn’t the sea-walk leg move happening.
As I occasionally spot a reflective surface and wonder where that 21 year old body went, my back-up singers break out into, “Have You Seen Her? (Tell me, have you seen her?)” Well, that immature girl has been replaced by a new role. I am too legit. Too legit to quit. This thought will be broken by a giggling boy running with some form of contraband, leading me into another round of “Can’t Touch This”.
I don’t remember ever having MC Hammer tapes or MTV in our home, but somehow I fell prey to the MC. Although in 2012 I am not quite what I pictured in the 90s, neither is The Hammer. Perhaps these moments that I am promised to look back and miss are much like the moments of my own childhood. I can look back and wonder what on earth I was wearing, be slightly embarrassed for what was caught on camera, and smile while remembering the glorious joy of that time. That’s what reliving your childhood is all about. After all, it’s Hammer Time.