“What did you learn today?” Grunt. “Nothin'” “Nothing? You learn something every day!”
You were right, Mom.
Today’s 10 Top Lessons:
1) If the bass in your car is loud enough to wake the baby in mine, it IS noise pollution and just cause.Your sound system and your 40 inch rims vs. a sleep-deprived, pregnant mother counting to three. Bring it.
2) It’s worth the extra $5 on an oil change if the location has a kid play center, a friendly attendant who dotes on your child and hails the work of a stay-at-home-mom, and a free car wash included on the receipt.
3) Dollar stores may have all the needed VBS supplies at bargain prices, but they also have stains on the floor that can’t be identified without the use of modern technology.
4) It is NOT wise to give a child peanut butter before leaving the house.
5) Facebook: allowing cowards to say what would get their teeth knocked out in person for over a decade.
6) Gravity is one of the deadliest and most underestimated forces of nature.
7) I will now stay in the LEFT turn lane as I turn onto Ramsey. The causes of the rubbernecking and near-collisions are the girls at the bus stop. Thankfully, my car has full coverage, even though you don’t. Girls, if you want to give the milk for free that is your business, but flashing your udders is asking to be cow-tipped.
8) In North Carolina, it is considered strange and possibly offensive if you talk to a stranger. ie Smiling and saying, “Good morning.” You will receive stares and glares, if you aren’t ignored. However, it is considered totally normal to talk to yourself. ie, Staring at the craft store line-up saying, “fuzzies, fur….where are the feathers? Oh, here we go!”
9) Strangers either believe children are badly parented and demon-possessed, or outstanding little angels (just like their kids were or will be someday). There is no in-between.
10) Now that I’m a mom, Mary Poppin’s bag contents aren’t all that impressive.