Remembering Stones

One piece of advice I’ve gotten more than any other is, “Write it all down in a journal!” People who have been through trials, particularly medical whirlwinds know that the things we feel so deeply that we swear we won’t forget can quickly become a blur.

I try to highlight the encouraging moments where strength and faith shine. Unfortunately, the battles are just as important to remember. Today was a day of struggling.
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Even the quiet moments had pain. These are the moments I want to forget and block out.
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I’ve already learned that the moments like these:
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can make the smiles we fight so hard for much sweeter.

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These pictures and writings are not only updates– they are remembering stones.

You may recall that the Beads of Courage (described in an earlier blog) symbolize various things about Will’s fight with AML. Yellows symbolize nights in the hospital. Beige are for bone marrow biopsies, gray for dressing changes, black for IV pokes and blood draws. These beads are to tell the story of what has been endured and overcome. These little beads of courage are remembering stones.
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Today I read and studied in Joshua Chapter 4. After God divided the Jordan river for the Israelites and they walked across on dry land to battle against Jericho, he told the people to stop and put up large stones to be a sign.

Joshua 4:6: That this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, “What do these stones mean to you?” then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it passed over the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.

They built strong, standing stones up to remember that God did the impossible. God kept his promise. God went before them and cut the waters, defeating enemies before they were even within sight.

We will revisit places we have been. I want those with me to ask what great things happened and to be able to taste the pain and breathe in the greatness of The Healer’s presence. I want my sons to say, “Tell me again about what Jesus did when I was little…”

One day I can take out these stones and put them in William’s hands and tell him not about what he did or our family did, but what God did. He will ask, I am quite sure.

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If William leaves this place without leukemia, William will not have beaten leukemia. Jesus will have healed him of AML. It won’t be from his strength or willpower, I am increasingly aware. A lot of times children are healed on the other side of death around here.
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These aren’t just representations of what Will has endured. My little fighter doesn’t always have the best attitude about it, believe me.
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Before I read today it I wished aloud that today would just be over. I was wrong. I need to remember the fight. I need to leave remembering stones and tell about all God made and all Jesus saved.
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One thought on “Remembering Stones

  1. Sometimes them stones are heavy girl. Thank you for expressing your raw emotions and giving us a glimpse of the pain, suffering, and hurt y’all feel every day. My heart aches with you today. My eyeballs keep leaking as i pray for you and your family.

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