Yesterday was a battling day.
There were moments of great joy. There were also some new challenges. William ripped out his central line which necessitates surgery to replace it. This requires IVs for blood draws and increases the risk of infection. There was bleeding from the stomach, rashes, general crankiness and screaming.
As I struggled to hold William still for x-rays I scolded myself for feeling so exhausted. I had a night of sleep and time in God’s Word- why couldn’t I get this believing and faith thing right?
I thought of Exodus 17. When we quarrel within ourselves our true enemy can come up against us and soon everyone’s hollering for Holy help. I felt the Lord very clearly earlier in the day and now I couldn’t sense him in the chaos although I fully knew he was there. It’s the difference between knowing and believing.
Exodus 17: 7 says, “They tested the Lord by saying, “Is the Lord among us or not?” 8Then Amalek came and fought with Israel at Rephidim. So Moses said to Joshua, “Choose for us men, and go out and fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand.”
I’m sure Joshua had some questions about this strategy. I’m going to go against the enemy in battle and you’ll just stand on a hill? Joshua had seen what God had done through Moses before but he had to believe and obey.
10So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. 11Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed.
I feel much like Moses. I can’t fight cancer for William. I can be here, feed him, change his diapers and his tubes, keep his as clean, healthy and entertained as possible, but I can’t determine his outcome against AML. God had already told Moses that he would blot out the adulterous Amalekites who delighted in idolatry and harassing the Israelites, but Moses still had to stand over the battle.
12But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side.
Last night, 3 different people messaged me about standing under my arms like Aaron and Hur. THREE. Totally separate and unprompted, not knowing that had been on my heart.
Notecards and verses had poured in.
The Word and truth of the LORD is like comforting armor!
Dozens of people prayed for rest and we both had our best night of sleep to date. Reinforcements and friends are coming. With a ROCK to rest on (let that one sink in, Children) people got underneath my arms and held them up for me because the battle is at stake even if the war’s outcome is declared.
Exodus 17:12-13 So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. 13And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people with the sword.
It’s amazing to think that while I am in desperate need of help by just standing with my arms raised, my little Conqueror goes from winning to losing by the day. In the end, Joshua OVERWHELMED his enemy. Not survived, not limped home thankful that God handled it…OVERWHELMED.
I feel like we are winning this morning because my arms feel held up. You are an essential part of this, my friends. Thank you for fighting with us. Sometimes seeing what God has declared come to fruition depends on our keeping out hands up.
Thank you for holding up my arms, Warriors. It makes the difference.