Be Kind and Snow White

Ah, Wednesday. Therapy Day, if you will. It is the day William does not have school; teachers can do meetings, paperwork and important visits with parents to ensure their kiddos who need accommodations  actually receive them. It also means it is the only day we can have Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy and Speech Therapy before 3pm.  After 3pm those in school fill slots, leaving 3-6 month waiting lists for those who can’t leave school for therapy. Behold, the perks of Pre-K.

We are familiar with this location, so playing in the waiting room for 1.5-2 hours is not a Vesuvius-Level-Situation. In fact, Jonathan is enjoying being one of the older kids in the play area.

Last week we arrived to three precious little ones playing nicely in the small area. They were 1/3 of Jonathan’s size. The moms glanced over at me in that mom-code way. I knowingly nodded and said, “Jonathan, be careful not to step on or bump any friends. They are smaller, so play nicely and protect them.”  Rather than go play with the Legos in the corner, he towered over the Tiny Ones playing with blocks. He gave each a nod like a benevolent monarch at court and then said, ‘Hi there!” and emphatically sang, “EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!”

Alas, singing Pump Up the Jam and leading a 90s dance party was the first thing he thought of in a new group of friends. This is how you win hearts and minds. I put my forehead in my hand with a smile while the other mothers laughed. Long live the 90s.

This week we saw a darling little girl who is there at the same hour. She plays while her sister receives therapy, so Jonathan often plays with this blonde, sparkly-shoed three year old. Week One she was dressed as Elsa. Week 2 she brought several princess figurines. She and Jonathan created a castle from toys and played together.

About halfway through, as ALL three year olds do, she hit  critical mass. It sounded as if she was saying “shoe” about a sparkly glass slipper but she was clearly saying “jewelry” (we found out much later). Mom finally whisked her outside to diffuse as we others encouraged and showed our clear non-judgmental solidarity.

Noticing the rapid absence of his playmate, Jonathan jumped to action.  He looked at the array of princess toys and deliberately selected the most sparkly one– Snow White. Knowing he can’t go outside, he climbed a chair and looked at her outside the window, waving. Although she couldn’t hear him, he called, “Why are you sad? It’s okay! Here is Snow White! Are you happy?” She didn’t answer, so he waited patiently and watched until she came inside and was ready to play. Sometimes you don’t need a shiny toy to fix it; sometimes just sitting nearby until the tears pass is enough.

Now, most crying issues in play areas are over toys and turn taking, so this could be seen as a gesture of kindness and potential reconciliation. I also choose to see a boy who recognized that when a girl is crying, he should ask her if she is okay, give her something sparkly she loves and sit until she recovers.  Long after more kids played happily and William was brought out once more, we walked to our minivan and buckled in.

“Jonathan, I really liked seeing you share and play today. Thank you for making sure everyone was okay and for trying to help when your friend was crying.”  With a smile of acknowledgement and a half shrug that was much too cool and mature for his age he said, “Be kind and Snow White.”  I like it.  It may be a new motto.

Cleaning after men, getting help from animals, not eating apples and all the cliches aside, when we have a shiny, sparkly Treasure we love, we can often lose sight of it when emotions or circumstances knock us for a loop. We may stop doing the things we love or refresh us. We may not live like a princess and settle for a new circumstance until someone helps us make it better.  All that aside, a good friend will see us in our distress and make sure we don’t lose our Sparkly Snow White altogether.

The newest Cinderella made “Have courage and be kind” a well known phrase. I’m in favor of my son’s simple wisdom. Maybe kindness can best be shown when we share our treasures and make sure others don’t lose the things that make them light up. Kindness asks. Kindness gives. Kindness sits until the tears stop.

For a child who had great trouble socializing and showing empathy until two years ago, (we had some trauma happening) it amazes me and fills my heart to watch these interactions. I’ll be trying to take his advice. Be kind, Snow White… and when possible, everybody dance.